i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
