You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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