Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
