Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
