I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
