nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
