Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
