I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
