***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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