bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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