this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
