I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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