Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
