I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
