hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
