There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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