He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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