Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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