how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
