so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
