My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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