i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
