In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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