he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
