Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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