Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
