woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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