i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
