im drinking this country out of the recession.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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