Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
