The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
