so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
