I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
