She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
