then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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