It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
