ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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