Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
