I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
