Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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