I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
