o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he puts the penis in happiness.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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