The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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