Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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