whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
