pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
