i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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