I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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