I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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