She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
