You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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