she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
