My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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