She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
