The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
