there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
