It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
