Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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