you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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