I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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