I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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