I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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