my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
