Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
