Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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