dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
