wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
