Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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