Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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