sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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