Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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