I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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