When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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