I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
