i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
