Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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